Tracy’s Birth Story
My biggest fear of having a baby was always the labour and delivery. I feared it would be pain that I simply wouldn’t be able to tolerate and that I would not be able to push a baby out of me. I was scared of missing the window to get an epidural, and I wanted to be put to sleep to deliver the baby so I wouldn’t have to know what was going on. My pregnancy was perfect- I had basically no symptoms at all. I wondered at times if something was wrong because things were going so well. But it made me continue to think that if I had such an easy pregnancy, my labour and delivery experience would have to be the hard part. Thankfully, I was wrong!
I went in for an ultrasound at 40 weeks, and I had a decrease in my amniotic fluid, so it was decided I would get induced that day. I anxiously told my husband to hurry and get everything we packed and come right back to the hospital. After having a couple of cervix checks (which was also a huge fear of mine) and finding out I was already 2cm dilated, I was put on Pitocin (oxytocin) to get things rolling. I began having contractions, but I didn’t even know and I couldn’t feel anything. Phew, I thought maybe they won’t be as bad as I expected! But then came time for my water to be broken, and I was warned the contractions would get much more intense- and they did! It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. The waves of intense pain seemed to come so quickly and in between the contractions I was dreading when the next one would start. I managed to last for only an hour before I asked for the epidural. After the epidural, I still had some pain, so I got topped up about an hour later. I felt so drugged up that I couldn’t process what was happening. I finally felt nothing, but could barely keep my eyes open and couldn’t process what the nurses and doctor were telling me.
Overall, I progressed quite quickly and before I knew it the doctor was telling me it was time to push. I couldn’t feel anything at this point so the nurse had to tell me when I was having a contraction and when I had to push. I followed her guidance and I knew I was pushing as hard as possible. It was actually like running a marathon, like they say. I pushed for an hour, but it seemed like way longer. I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to keep going, and then I remember at one point after a while I opened my eyes and saw my baby in the doctor’s hands and all I could think was thank goodness I’m done with the hard part. The baby was put on my chest and I was instantly in love, and even more thrilled that it was over, and it wasn’t even that bad!
Something that disappointed me afterwards, was that there was no debriefing on my delivery. I didn’t know what had happened because I was so “removed” from it all. I wanted to know if I tore (and how badly and where), I wanted to know why it was suggested to get the vacuum (but it wasn’t needed in the end), and finally I wish I had been told to do skin-to-skin for at least an hour (which I didn’t since I gave the baby to my husband to hold soon after delivery). The aftermath of it all gave me an uneasy feeling which made the experience a little less satisfying than I had hoped for. All in all, my baby was healthy and perfect, and that’s what really matters.