Kelly’s Breastfeeding Story

“I was so grateful for the lactation consultants support, but as soon as she left, I found myself over analyzing everything I was doing”

I’ve spent the last 8 years working as a Labour and Delivery Nurse. Over the years, I definitely dreamt of what having a baby would look like for me. Would my labour be quick? Would I push well? Would breastfeeding come naturally to me? One thing I could have never imagined was that I would be having my first baby in the middle of a global pandemic. Suddenly, all of the normal worries surrounding being a first-time mom dissipated. Instead, my fears revolved around whether or not my husband would be present at the birth of our child. He too is a first responder and I worried about the consequences of him acquiring COVID. I was also scared that the province-wide lockdown would limit the support of family or friends, if I needed them.

Truthfully, because of all the other worries of the world at that time, I gave little thought to breastfeeding. I always believed that a woman should do what is best for her and her baby, whether that was through breastfeeding or formula. A fed baby is a happy baby! After years of hearing about women’s breastfeeding triumphs, as well as their struggles, I had decided that I would definitely give breastfeeding a try. However, if it added too much stress and anxiety to my life as a new mom, I would switch to formula. In theory, this was a great plan, but what I didn’t expect was that once my daughter Parker was born, I immediately felt the pressure that many new moms feel that I needed to be successful in breastfeeding her.

I started breastfeeding soon after my delivery. I felt confident in the way I was holding my daughter and felt as if she had a good latch. I was hopeful that this would continue. The next day the lactation consultant came to see me. Due to COVID, there were no breastfeeding classes being held at the hospital but the lactation consultant was seeing patients one-on-one. I was so grateful for the support I received, but as soon as she left, I found myself over analyzing everything I was doing. My husband watched me go from a confident new mom, to being nervous and unsure of myself. I was also worried that I would have little community supports once I discharged from the hospital, if I found breastfeeding challenging.

Once home, my worries continued. The lactation consultant suggested that if my baby was latched correctly, I wouldn’t experience any pain or discomfort. That was surely not the case. For the first week or two, I braced myself each time I initially latched Parker. My nipples were sore and cracked. I was convinced I must have been doing something wrong. What I came to realize was that this was normal. My breasts needed time to adjust to their new job, and after a week or two they did! I was able to comfortably feed my daughter, and the stress around breastfeeding quickly disappeared.

I had made the decision before my Parker was born, that I would also pump once a day. It was important to me to know that eventually I would be able to share feeds with my husband. After a week of being home, I started pumping after my first feed of the day. I wasn’t getting a lot of milk, but I slowly started to build a supply of pumped milk. For the first few weeks my husband was able to give a bottle of pumped milk during the night. This worked so well for our family as it allowed my husband to have some one-on-one time with our daughter, and allowed me to get some much-needed sleep. The pumped milk that slowly filled our freezer, also allowed me to feel that I had a little more freedom and that someone else could feed my daughter if necessary.

After 4 months of breastfeeding, we went to our pediatrician who informed us that Parker had fallen off her growth curve. I was surprised to say the least. Parker was such a happy baby and never seemed to show signs of hunger. At this time, we were encouraged to start supplementing with formula. I was reluctant because I thought breastfeeding was going well, why change now? We made a plan with our doctor to reassess at 5 months, but in the interim to ensure that I was being intentional about timing and duration of feeds. At our 5-month visit, Parker continued to measure small and we decided that starting formula would be best for her. We slowly introduced it mixing it with 50% breast milk, one feed at a time. At 6 months Parker was exclusively on formula and thriving. It never occurred to me that after a few months of breastfeeding, that formula may still be needed. I’m happy I was able to breastfeed Parker for 5 months, but I was also happy to switch to formula and know she was getting everything she needed. Like I said, a fed baby is a happy baby, whatever that may look like.