Why do Women wait to Announce their Pregnancy?
—Experiencing a miscarriage is NEVER about the failings of the mother
There are certain things that women hear about pregnancy way before getting pregnant. One of these things is that you should wait until 3 months pregnant before announcing your pregnancy. But why is that? The answer is that this social norm is in part a result of the higher risk of miscarriage in the first 3 months (12 weeks) of pregnancy. At 6 weeks the rate of miscarriage is 10%, and as many as 80% of miscarriages happen before 12 weeks pregnant. By 12 weeks the rate of miscarriage drops to less than 5%, so women feel more comfortable sharing the news at that time. Miscarriage in the second trimester (after 13 weeks) is even less likely and happens in 1-2% of pregnancies. In addition, the 12-to-13-week mark is when you get the results of the routine genetic tests completed in the first trimester. Some women feel more comfortable sharing the news of their pregnancy once genetics tests come back and predict that their baby is healthy.
Another layer of why women avoid sharing they’re pregnant before 3 months is the notion that a miscarriage feels like failure. It’s as if you and your body have failed to stay pregnant. It’s natural to want to keep our failures to ourselves. We want save face and avoid embarrassment, shame, or pity from others. However, all of this couldn’t be further from the truth. Having a miscarriage is never about the failings of the mother. One in five pregnancies end in miscarriage before 12 weeks and 50% of these miscarriages happen because there is some chromosomal (genetic) abnormality. This is no one’s fault, and there’s nothing anyone could do to prevent it. It’s normal to be sad, disappointed, angry and frustrated about a miscarriage, especially if you have been trying to conceive for a while. But, it’s NOT your fault and there is no, and shouldn’t be, any shame or blame if you experience a miscarriage.
Our advice is instead of keeping your pregnancy a secret, it’s okay to share the news with people you trust before 12 weeks. This way if something with the pregnancy doesn’t go according to plan, you have those people to lean on. Being pregnant is a very emotional journey and having a supportive network from day one is incredibly important and helpful. Talking to someone close to you like a family member or close friend about what you are going through can be therapeutic and help you feel supported. You may be surprised to find out that your family and friends have experienced a miscarriage, loss, or had difficulty getting pregnancy as well. Whether you feel sick during your pregnancy or you experience a miscarriage, having that social network of support can be a huge benefit. Let’s change this outdated social norm and help each other to cope through the hard times. Don’t go through it alone. We’re in this together!
If you’d like to continue feeling informed, supported and empowered throughout your pregnancy then click below to learn about our ‘Bump to Baby’ Prenatal Course
References
https://www.pregnancyinfo.ca/your-pregnancy/special-consideration/miscarriage/
https://www.themothersprogram.ca/during-pregnancy/miscarriage