Azura’s Breastfeeding Story
“Once in a blue moon if the milk I pumped wasn’t quite enough for that feed my partner would give her some formula—I’d say a few times a month. It wasn’t a big deal to me, even as a Lactation consultant. Formula isn’t a bad word”
I had been a Registered Nurse working specifically in lactation, prenatal education and perinatal mood disorders for 6 years when my kid hit the scene. All of my colleagues were parents, everything I was doing was baby and parent focused, and I couldn’t have been more excited to put my skills to use. Finally, it was my turn!
Getting pregnant wasn’t easy. First off—I have a female partner, one strike against me (lol) and I also have PCOS. It took almost two years, lots of IUIs and one cycle of IVF to have a successful pregnancy. PCOS not only makes it harder to conceive but it can also impact supply. I was hopeful but realistic about my future ability to exclusively breastfeed.
I had a lot of breast changes in pregnancy. My breasts increased in size (laughably so), and I had nipple changes. Breast and nipple changes in pregnancy are good indicators that the milk factory, so to speak, is being constructed. In the weeks leading up to the birth I began leaking some colostrum. This was another indicator that things were happening in my breasts, which was a relief, re: PCOS.
My birth was a bit wonky. I was getting a sweep from my OB and she accidentally broke my water – so I didn’t go into labor naturally. I had been planning a drug free birth (for no reason other than being terrified of epidurals) but my gal had a plan of her own… she was coming out arm first like Superman/woman, so I ended up having an emergency c-section (and ended up having that epidural +). Luckily everything went well during the c-section and after the surgery was complete my gal latched beautifully. She was great at removing milk, but she was a bit clampy with her gums. She had some tongue restriction, what we would call a posterior tongue tie but at that point it wasn’t affecting anything. It didn’t cause pain and she was removing milk well.
The first thing I did to help my little gal was use steady compressions on my breasts as she drank to help transfer colostrum as she sucked. I also hand expressed as much as I could and supplemented her with this colostrum by using a little medicine cup. My milk came in, with a bit of a delay as is expected with a c/s, at day 3. I started to pump on day 2—I think this helped to get things moving. I was producing a good amount of milk and everything was going swimmingly.
Fast forward to day 5. This little bit of redness around my c-section incision was nagging at me mentally and causing a bit of anxiety but I kept telling myself I was overreacting. It wasn’t super red; I didn’t have any discharge at the incision site, but something just didn’t feel right. That afternoon I was walking around hunched over and my mom asked me why. I told her I was in so much pain that I couldn’t possibly stand up straight (I thought this was normal after a c-section surgery). My mom, a c-section veteran, let me know that this wasn’t typical. I showed my dad (EMBARASSING) my c-section incision because he’s an MD. “We have to go to the hospital,” he said immediately. I couldn’t believe it, leave my baby? I didn’t have much milk pumped and I worried about supplementing my baby with things going so well. I really wanted to keep output up (feeding baby at the breast and pumping). However, I knew if I wasn’t healthy, I wouldn’t be able to be there for my kid like I needed to be. So, I packed a bag (with my pump and some collection bottles) and headed to the hospital. I waited many hours for care—but asked the nurses if I could have a private room to pump every 2-3 hours and they gladly accommodated (never hesitate to advocate for yourself!) I was there all night and ended up being put on IV antibiotics. I arrived home at 6am to my baby. The next day the infection had spread, and I had to head back into hospital. Baby was supplemented again in my absence and I pumped a bunch in the emergency room again. I had my incision “worked on” (I’ll spare you the details) and was sent home with an IV pump. Fast forward 2 days and I was back in emergency with my pump to have more “work done” on my incision. After that point I was told I needed daily wound care for 3 months. Wowwy. It was a lot to take in, but I just wanted to get home to my baby. Because of my wound I didn’t have much mobility, wasn’t able to do stairs and needed help with sitting up in bed for many weeks.
All the stress of the infection and the absolute exhaustion from many sleepless nights in emergency in a row affected my supply. It actually plummeted in the days after my last emergency visit. I was terrified that I had lost the ability to exclusively breastfeed. I think it was a temporary stress reaction because my supply did rebound. I fed on demand and pumped in addition to that a few times a day.
Because of my mobility issues and exhaustion, my partner started literally latching my baby for me—it was amazing teamwork. I’m extremely proud of us for persevering and working together. The pain I was experiencing and the infection itself made me so exhausted that I slept for almost all the hours that I wasn’t feeding or pumping for the first few weeks after my last emergency visit. Feeding on demand was helpful for my body to understand what it needed to produce.
I ended up *mostly* breastfeeding for a couple years. Each night, a couple hours or so after my baby went down for a stretch of sleep, I would pump. At her first night-waking my partner would give her that pumped milk in a bottle. I would feed her if she woke again in the night. Doing the first feed afforded my partner special bonding time with baby and gave me a chance to catch up on sleep and continue to recover. I taught my partner paced bottle feeding early on so that my gal wouldn’t prefer the bottle. Once in a blue moon if the milk I pumped wasn’t quite enough for that feed my partner would give her some formula—I’d say a few times a month. It wasn’t a big deal to me, even as an LC. Formula isn’t a bad word.
I’m a weirdo in that I loved pumping (not typical)—it was my time to dig into some reality TV and veg out. I had a rule that no one could bother me when I pumped and made it clear that it was my time. I made sure to always make it a chill experience with a nice selection of snacks and drinks. I always used a hands-on pumping method and tried to beat my last expression amount. I turned it into some sort of competition against myself in a lighthearted way and it made it fun. At the end of each pump session, I would finish off with bilateral hand expression to get out an extra 1/3 to 1oz.
I ended up having my daughter’s posterior tongue tie “released” at around 2 months because as my supply decreased (from abundant to exactly what she needed as is typical at this point) she got more “clampy” with her gums because she was frustrated and trying to speed up my flow. This caused me to start having some vasospasm on my nipples a couple times a day. They would sometimes lose circulation after feeds, turn white and burn. I had her posterior tongue-tie released and after a few days, problem solved.
My favorite positions were side lying and side lying. Hah. Seriously though, I mostly only feed laying down unless I am in public. It’s so comfy, passive and restorative. I can spend time gazing at my baby, zoning out or looking at my phone. I also like biological nurturing/ laid back positioning because it’s also passive and your body supports baby more than your arms—it’s a nice break for your joints.
Thanks for taking the time to read about my breastfeeding experience. I would love to hear about yours, nerd out about breast/chestfeeding and support you or someone in your circle who is finding elements of breast/chestfeeding challenging. My motto is “let’s figure this out” because I work with my clients, supporting them to solve their own challenges, bolstering their spirit and giving them the knowledge to succeed.