Realistic Recovery after Birth

Taking care of your mental health postpartum

By: Kayla Deverson MSW

“I encourage women to focus on realistic recovery in the first hours and days following birth. A realistic recovery means aligning your beliefs with your expectations for postpartum”

Let’s welcome Kayla! She’s an experienced social worker who specializes in supporting the mental health of our pregnant and postpartum population. Read our latest blog to find out how Kayla and other social workers counsel patients and can help you take care of your mental health during pregnancy and postpartum.

Disclaimer: This post is meant for informational purposes only and should not replace information or medical advice provided by your primary healthcare provider.

We’ve all seen the miracle of birth in the movies. A gush of when her water breaks, panic and excitement fill the room. She’s rushed to the hospital while battling almost comical obstacles, but with some luck she arrives just in time. With a few easy pushes the beautiful baby arrives, healthy and well. The parents are overjoyed and feel this powerful and instant love with their bundle of joy.

While we know that television and film is fictionalized, this portrayal still holds the immense power to subconsciously impact our expectations of birth as well as the experience of being a new mom. As women, we unknowingly receive the messaging from television, movies, and books that being a mom will be instinctual; that the connection to your baby will come with ease instantly and undeniably. Many of us are told and still assume to this day that your body will know exactly what to do and how to do it when it comes to birth, recovery, and breastfeeding. While there are women who experience birth and postpartum with ease the way that Rachel Green did on Friends, there are many women who feel like it’s hard to just keep their head above water in the days, weeks, and sometimes months following birth. This blog post is for all of those women, the silenced majority.

Working as a social worker for women in pregnancy and postpartum, I provide a judgment free space for women to share their deepest, darkest, and yet truest thoughts on the experience of being a new mom. In my counselling sessions with new moms, I hear it all. And it may surprise you that I am consistently hearing the same thoughts, emotions, and experiences over and over from many women. These challenging postpartum feelings are not uncommon, and if you experience them, I can promise you that you are not alone. The sleep deprivation, the anxiety, the depression, the worries, the physical recovery, the mental adjustment, the disappointment, the resentment, the frustrations, and most commonly, the guilt. Each of these heavy emotions in postpartum are very real, are very heavy, and worst of all, they can be relentless.

After birth there are so many changes happening to your body and within your body. I encourage women to focus on realistic recovery in the first hours and days following birth. A realistic recovery means aligning your beliefs with your expectations for postpartum. The first step in aligning your expectations with a manageable recovery is to actively work on compassion for your body. You survived your pregnancy, whether it was enjoyable or nauseating, and now your body has gone through the experience of birth. That is not a small feat. I often see in my counselling indications that women overlook the real weight and impact of pregnancy and birth on their body and hormones. Your recovery will not be overnight and adjusting this expectation during your pregnancy will help improve your postpartum experience. You didn’t create a life in 24 hours, so you won’t be recovered in 24 hours, and that’s okay. There is a reason that Meaghan Markle was praised for her first appearance postpartum, standing proudly with her postpartum bump. It takes time for your body to heal. For creating a realistic recovery I recommend focusing on rest, patience, and compassion. Creating opportunities to allow your body the privilege to rest, heal, and recover will allow you to come back to your life as a new mom; better and stronger than before. Seek help and support in your recovery phase whether that means calling on family and friends for laundry and dinner help, or hiring a lactation consultant, postpartum doula, or pelvic floor physiotherapist (PSA: if you have benefits, use them!).

Your hormones undergo a complete overhaul during the postpartum period and with these changes brings varying levels of emotional changes. Anxiety and depression can show up in a myriad of ways in the weeks following birth. Many women feel teary all the time or are unable to their control tears, other new moms report that they check their baby for breathing multiple times a day, and others share that they feel angry or irritable for reportedly no reason. It can be normal to experience mild symptoms of anxiety or depression temporarily as your hormones shift. These symptoms can become more concerning if they continue for multiple weeks, completely debilitate your life and functioning, or feel particularly challenging and overwhelming for you. My biggest recommendation when facing any overwhelming or challenging symptoms of postpartum anxiety and depression is to reach out for help, and the sooner the better. There is no medal of honor for struggling through postpartum low mood, anxiety, or depression for weeks. Oftentimes my referrals for postpartum low mood or anxiety come to me at the six week postpartum follow-up with their obstetrician or care provider. Many clients at that point will share that they believed that their struggle was to be expected or that they knew they would be tired, or they knew this would be hard, so they felt guilty asking for help. By this point, the new mom has been struggling in isolation for six weeks. When I work with families throughout their pregnancy I encourage creating a support system before postpartum. Seek out supportive family, friends, or health care providers in your pregnancy so that you can know who or where to turn to for judgement free support the moment you feel as if you are struggling. Knowing who is in your corner can ease the inherent ups and downs of the fourth trimester.

While there are many challenges in postpartum, your loved ones and your health care team want to help the transition to motherhood feel lighter and more manageable. There are many options to seek support and help postpartum, and while they may look differently during Covid-19, the support remains the same. Speak to your health care team about support options. They can help connect you to counselling, support groups, in home support, psychiatry, and medications if needed. We are there to be helpful. You are not alone and you are not meant to struggle through this time alone.

Kayla has recently launched @alittlehelpcounselling to provide a safe & nonjudgmental space for pregnancy and postpartum support and counselling. Kayla understands all the ups and downs surrounding pregnancy, whether your pregnant, on a fertility journey, a new mom, a NICU mom or grieving a pregnancy loss. Follow her account for advice, support and guidance.